Looking back, I can't believe how much I used to post & write during my college days. Now it feels like a lifetime ago. Seriously. It's been over 10 years ago when I last posted on LJ...
I grew up. So much has happened. So much has changed these past 10 years.
But I'm still growing up. It's not over yet. Life goes on.
So where do I begin? How do I continue from where I left off?
Should I start all over? Give you a strong, firm handshake, "Hi, my name is..."
Or maybe I should just smile and pat you on the shoulder - give you a big warm embrace, "It's been a long time, my friend! So good to see you again. So much to catch up on..."
There are two spiders on my ceiling, too high up for me to reach. I will only pray they don't crawl above my head and fall into my mouth while I'm sleeping. Or maybe the late-night protein will do me some good? :-)
Well, it's off to sleep I go!
P.S. Perhaps you could catch all the mosquitos for me in your webs? That would make me happy.
It's 85 degrees.
The red digits blurred my eyes. At 6:30 PM, I stepped out into the sunset and breathed in the dry heat. A small breeze blew across my skin. I shivered.
In my 3-inch heels I gracefully stepped my way to the car and settled down behind the wheel. Plugging in my shiny new IPod FM converter - an addition from Ter's amazing generosity on my recent birthday - I pulled out of my spot and zoomed down the long-stretch of Cushing Parkway.
Devnee (my cute little '04 Corolla) held tight as I pumped the accelerator with my right foot. We flew into a sharp curve and melded onto the 880 traffic. Together, we had a mission. An absolutely fantastic mission that we shared between the two of us.
1) Get home safely.
2) Grab some candy.
3) And pop in a sappy chick-flick.
Ahh... the joys of relaxation. :-D
365 1/4 days = 8766 hours = 525960 minutes in a year. Where does the time go? I always wonder.
Over this past year I have flown:
3 times on Alaska Airlines
1 time on Continental Airlines
1 time on United Airlines
1 time on Southwest Airlines
1 time on EVA Airlines
2 times on ATA Airlines
1 time on American Airlines
These flights have taken me to Seattle, Las Vegas, China, Taiwan, and Chicago for both business and personal reasons.
Hmm... I wonder where my travels will take me next year?
"I am here because I'm grounded and need to do community service," one girl mumbled. You could just hear her groaning inwardly for having been forced (?) to our Girls For A Change meeting last week.
But a part of her was there because she was curious, I knew. "Thanks for being honest," I encouraged. "But don't worry. GFC is fun and we hope you'll soon see this too!"
Fastforward to one week later. During our GFC meeting last night, we were 10 minutes into our discussion when that very same girl turns to me with a wide grin and excitedly asks, "When's our next meeting? Are we having a meeting next week?? Are we??" My eyes went wide at the change and the enthusiasm she suddenly had for GFC. I returned her grin and almost winked to reply, "If everyone's free next week then we can definitely have our next meeting."
I love working with these girls. Their enthusiasm, passion, and drive will just blow you away. I can only imagine what impact they'll have in college - and we have 4 seniors this year applying all over - Harvard, JHU, UW, UC's, Stanford, CMU, Dartmouth, etc. and I know they are capable and will implement amazing changes wherever they go.
Good luck ladies! Thanks for making my life greater than it is.
Oh, and we are having a meeting next week BTW. :-)
Sweat sets between finger crevices as you try furiously to wipe it into your thighs, leaving dark stains on your pants. But the effort is only awarded with more damp, zebra lines.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
You can hear the clock ticking away. Not at its usual pace, but in a furious dance. "ticktickticktickticktickticktick..." Glancing around you see no big bens and realize that the clock exists solely inside your head. And you are running with it, trying to always sprint a step ahead.
Need to calm down. Need to think more clearly.
The strain begins at your tailbone and runs its path through your veins, up the spine, tensing the neck, and seeping into the fiery brain. The pirates are chasing each other like on the Caribbean ride of your favorite childhood place, Disneyland. Around and around they go. Spinning circles.
No need to rush. Nothing to worry about.
Squeezing the temples, you try to force the time bomb to stop its ticking. Massaging away the thousands of stresses, pictures of flowers, song, laughter, and love flash moments across the screen. Rolling the film in an endless flight as if the credits will never be reached, the story forever playing.
Be in control. Be smart. Be strong.
You finally take that one last breathe of entirety.... and slowly let it wind its way out. Steady. Sure of whom you are. Who you want to be.
The journey may be long and treacherous. But you will be there. Sitting on top, relaxed and sighing your heart's content. A smile bright across your face knowing it was all worth the while.
And the view from the top? Amazing.
Today, 5 years ago... I lost a dear friend of mine to a battle against leukemia.
In 5 more days it will be the birthday of another dear friend of mine that I lost over 4 years ago to suicide.
But it is not a time for mourning. They will always remain with me, by my side. In memory of them, I say rejoice. Rejoice in their memory. Rejoice in the laughter that was. The happiness that was. The friendship that was. The love that was.
For in my heart, all of it will always live on... but I will also live on too. That is my duty to them. That is my duty to life. That is my duty to all of you.
It is a beautiful thing to fully grasp the present. To do things, accomplish things, and be so fulfilled with the present. It is a beautiful thing to remember the past. To remember what was and what had been. It is a beautiful thing to look forward for the future. To anticipate and be ready what the future may bring.
I thank all of you who I've received the honor to walk beside. In my past. In my present. In my future. For all of you are what makes it so beautiful.
I dedicate this beauty to them now. I miss you, April. I miss you, Kevin. My heart will never stop remembering. And I will be using my constant strength to help us all move forward -- into the future.
With My Love
I was trying to think of the different points of view. Of course there are more thoughts, and these are all biased from my own perspective of things. But it's interesting how through the pros and cons, we are always happy, yet frustrated at the same time. haha. (It can also suck, if we feel like we're never satisfied with life.)
The Life of a Single Girl
"Wow, this is great! So many men! So many choices! I have the whole world upon my hands! I can flirt freely, be the woman I want to be. Yes! So much freedom! So much room to breathe, to fantasize, and no other person to worry about. Argh. Could you imagine having a whining man on the side always wanting your TIME. This is the best! So carefree! Woo-hoo!
BUT, I'm so lonely. No one to care for me. No one to pamper me. No one to get physical and emotional comfort from. Why is it that I miss the comfort so much? Why is it that I miss the touch? Oh I wish I can find the one..."
The Life of a Taken Girl
"Yow, baby! My man is a hottie! What can I say? He's sooo sweet, sooo adorable! He knows how to please me, always cooing words of love and poetry. I feel like I can fly above the clouds with him standing by my side. I am his little princess, and he always spoils me with gifts. Oh, how I love him. He feels like THE ONE.
BUT, where is my freedom? Why do I always have to call him? Why does he get so possesive? And so greedy and demanding with my time? Why doesn't he love me enough? Why does he get so jealous when I'm just having a good time with friends? How come he won't give me any space?..."
The Girl In Between
"Sure there's a guy... or maybe a few. Gosh, perhaps even interested in that one guy. It's good. No commitment, no dependence. No annoying whining about needing all my time. This is awesome! I'm not lonely, but I don't have to give up everything for him either. I'm just having so much fun!
BUT, where is this leading to? Does he want me? Is he interested? Will this become something more in the future? Are we wasting time if this isn't anything? What if I grow too attached, and if so, will I hurt myself? Does he want more? What is this relationship called? Or is it one at all?..."
So I'm working on this 1500 piece puzzle now. My sister's been helping me out. We started it last Friday and I give it a day or two more and it'll be done soon. (I stayed up until 2 AM yesterday piecing together the entire sky portion.) Next time I should buy one of those awesome 5000 piece for the challenge...
So like the puzzle, life consists of all these little pieces that fit in their rightful spots. If a piece is missing, the picture is incomplete. But unlike my lovely 1500 piece puzzle that will hang above my bed after completion -- life's puzzle contains an infinite number of pieces. What about when you die? Doesn't that complete the picture? No, why? Because of the legacy you leave behind. The memories you left with those here still on earth -- they will continue to tell your story. Items you once owned will be passed on to others, perhaps sold to antique stores 100 years from now -- so the pieces of your puzzle are endless.
And every piece counts. That's what is so brilliant about life: even the worst, most dreadful points (though pray we can prevent these from happening). Everything happens for a reason, and thus, this is what makes every piece of life's puzzle so important.
- From the time I was created in the womb: My first puzzle piece appeared.
- To the time I first saw my mommy's face: The pieces are all a blur from the lack of recognition.
- To the time I first went to school: And then so many pieces starting appearing for all the friends I made.
- And then moving to Taiwan: Created a lot of distance that had to be travelled across the puzzle board. (I was definitely running out of puzzle glue by this time and had to refill the bottle.)
- And even in my deepest despair of wanting to commit suicide in the 9th grade: My puzzle pieces were dark with slashes of angry color.
- To the time I went to college and had my fun: Wild bright colors dot the board of the parties and events I took part in.
- To my time here and now, discovering God and growing as each day blossoms anew: My puzzle is not even near halfway done, and there are those calm pastel colors with hints of paintbrush strokes of darker solids for my ambition and determination...
And like a puzzle, we will always encounter problems/situations in life where decisions must be made, things must be chosen... Life is full of puzzles, but life itself is one great puzzle as well.
Each of us has a neverending story to tell...
How is your life puzzle coming along?